Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Dude's Abode
Bulldog Realtors (Venice, CA) listed The Dude's Big Lebowski house for sale this week. All you need is $2.3 million and a rug to tie the room together. Click here for the listing and a virtual tour of the renovated compound.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Family Circus v2.0
As if The Family Circus comics weren't hilarious enough, Cracked.com has taken artistic license to create "6 Family Circus Cartoons Improved With Offensive Jokes". Click here and be amused, but take heed - this isn't exactly your grandmother's Family Circus.
Monday, March 28, 2011
It's Gotta Be The Shoes
I wonder which pair of shoes is as good as advertised? Skechers Shape-Ups or Reebok Easytones. So goes the internal dialogue among countless easy marks these days, who are surely browsing chat rooms to seek out that a-ha! moment that seals the deal. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they'd be better served using their shoes as a delivery device for three square meals of SlimFast. And I oughta know. I had a pair of Reebok Pumps when I was 13... trust me when I tell you the footwear gimmicks are 99.9% of the time just that.
The Reebok Pump, as you may recall, had a pump on the tongue that would inflate the shoe to fit tighter around the ankle. It was my teenage boy's understanding that the benefits of said shoes would assuredly be twofold:
a) I would finally have a sound, technology-based reason for my mother to agree I needed these new shoes, so that I could finally get rid of my Voits. The Voit brand was like a scarlet letter announcing to all of North Davie Junior High School that the unlucky wearer (me) had parents on a budget. The Voits really wreaked havoc with my cool status in junior high. I believe they were only available at Roses department stores. Enough said.
b) I would gain no less than three feet on my vertical jump. NBA all-star and slam-dunk champion Dominique Wilkins wore them with much success. My experience would surely be identical.
Spoiler alert: turns out those results weren't typical. I was too naive to grasp the mythical notion that along with the shoes, I would also need practice, dedication, willpower, and some semblance of innate athletic ability. As it turns out, my world revolved around more attainable goals like playing Super Mario Bros. 2 and watching RollerGames while wearing my Reebok Pumps.
Considering I weighed more at age 13 than Dominique Wilkins (and most likely the collective starting 5 of the Atlanta Hawks) did in his prime, the theory of gravity also escaped me. Simple physics weren't going to permit me any vertical jump, much less an improved vertical jump. I had to return my Pumps within a week because, immediately after inflation, they would begin to leak air. All of the air. That's right. I blew out a Reebok Pump at a casual amble. Pump! Pump! Pump! Sssssssss! That's a real boost to the self-esteem of a young male... to have to ask for his money back because the engineers at Reebok hadn't properly accounted for the immense pressure his average gait would place on their product.
Be forewarned. It won't really make a difference whether the Shape-Ups or the Easytones are the purchase of choice. For that matter, the equally as God-awful and unexplainably trendy Crocs or foot gloves would also be a fine alternative. Regardless, the shoes aren't going to do the work. As I learned from my Reebok Pumps, there's a lot more to self improvement than footwear.
a) I would finally have a sound, technology-based reason for my mother to agree I needed these new shoes, so that I could finally get rid of my Voits. The Voit brand was like a scarlet letter announcing to all of North Davie Junior High School that the unlucky wearer (me) had parents on a budget. The Voits really wreaked havoc with my cool status in junior high. I believe they were only available at Roses department stores. Enough said.
b) I would gain no less than three feet on my vertical jump. NBA all-star and slam-dunk champion Dominique Wilkins wore them with much success. My experience would surely be identical.
Spoiler alert: turns out those results weren't typical. I was too naive to grasp the mythical notion that along with the shoes, I would also need practice, dedication, willpower, and some semblance of innate athletic ability. As it turns out, my world revolved around more attainable goals like playing Super Mario Bros. 2 and watching RollerGames while wearing my Reebok Pumps.
Considering I weighed more at age 13 than Dominique Wilkins (and most likely the collective starting 5 of the Atlanta Hawks) did in his prime, the theory of gravity also escaped me. Simple physics weren't going to permit me any vertical jump, much less an improved vertical jump. I had to return my Pumps within a week because, immediately after inflation, they would begin to leak air. All of the air. That's right. I blew out a Reebok Pump at a casual amble. Pump! Pump! Pump! Sssssssss! That's a real boost to the self-esteem of a young male... to have to ask for his money back because the engineers at Reebok hadn't properly accounted for the immense pressure his average gait would place on their product.
Be forewarned. It won't really make a difference whether the Shape-Ups or the Easytones are the purchase of choice. For that matter, the equally as God-awful and unexplainably trendy Crocs or foot gloves would also be a fine alternative. Regardless, the shoes aren't going to do the work. As I learned from my Reebok Pumps, there's a lot more to self improvement than footwear.
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