Monday, April 19, 2010

Breakfast Meat Bonus Track

It's been established that I love bacon, but not as much as Randy Taylor enjoys sausage.


Jimmy Dean Sausage Complaint Call sound bite

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Best....Bacon....Ever

If you've never been to New Jersey, then you likely envision some stereotypically negative scenes at the mere mention of said state - hypodermic needles littering the shore, corrupt politicians, big hair, bad drivers, and Snooki.  My wife and I visited our friends Mike, Michelle, and Milo in Princeton, NJ, several weeks ago, and thankfully we got to experience a side of Jersey that few really know exists -- wildlife, picturesque farmland, colonial history, and bacon.  Delicious, succulent, out-of-this-world bacon. 

Michelle snagged some honey-maple bacon at Smoker's Deli, a vendor at a Pennsylvania Dutch farmer's market in Princeton (they were either Amish or Mennonite -- either way, they had no trouble plugging the cash register in and making it sing, so they're pretty progressive) and cooked it up for breakfast. Now, Mike & Michelle had raved about this bacon, to the point that my expectations were so high that they couldn't possibly be met....or could they? 

First of all, this bacon was thick and meaty, as any good breakfast meat should be.  If you have bacon that's tissue-paper thin, what little goodness that's there will melt away as grease.  When this happens, all you've done is dirtied a pan and insulted your tastebuds.  On presentation alone, this bacon had already scored higher marks than what I'd give most restaurant bacon.  Next, it was time to dine on swine.  Five hundred miles I'd flown, so this better be good.

The bite started out with a slight saltiness.  It was just enough to remind me that I'd have to heed Larry King's advice to pop a tablet of Garlique later in the day.  BUT the sweetness that followed was more than unique -- it was incredible.  Each bite was better than the last.  It was a carnival of sweet-salty flavor blanketed by a tent of deliciousness.  Truly perfection.  This was seriously the best bacon ever.  My mind draws a blank when I try to think of the right adjective(s) for this, the most awesome breakfast meat that I have ever eaten.  The tag team of sweet and salty had never been so perfectly in sync as it was at the table that morning.  The "ooh"-ing and "aah"-ing over this bacon rang like a chorus that was equal parts religious, sexual, and psychedelic, and it was the only true testament to a taste that can't be summed up in writing.  It's a shame it didn't last longer.  There was no self control, and soon, there was no bacon. 

Needless to say, the trip was worth it - if not for the company of old friends, then definitely for that bacon.  It bums me out, though, that this deliciousness is found so far north.  North Carolina has a person-to-pig ratio of 1.03 to 1! We can't get enough pork down here -- as country ham, barbeque (chopped, pulled and whole hog), sausage, chops, and the list goes on. But do we really know the pig like we think we do?! Not if we can't crack this elusive, top-secret, Princeton, New Jersey Pennsylvania-Dutch honey-maple bacon recipe. Even if it's terribly complicated, we've got plenty of pigs to spare for trial and error, so let's get on the ball.  Or it could it be that it's so painfully simple and right under our noses.  Those damn yankees have never been more maddening.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Bug Flies Into Reporter's Mouth



It may take several viewings, but see if you can pinpoint the exact moment when this reporter throws professionalism out the window.  Parental Advisory: Salty Language

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Movie Purge: March

Gran Torino was the first DVD that I got when I joined Netflix in December, and it only took me 3 months to watch it.  Lest you think I'm wasteful, I've been taking greater advantage of their streaming service through my Xbox.  This movie is Clint Eastwood to the core, with the nearly 80-year-old actor serving as director, producer, star, and even getting credit for writing music for the film.  It's also vintage Eastwood, playing the type of hard-nosed, no B.S. character that's made him a Hollywood legend.  This time, Eastwood stars as Walt Kowalski, a prejudiced blue collar Michigan veteran who's living in a neighborhood with a growing Hmong population that many, including Kowlaski, aren't thrilled to see moving in.  Kowalski hesitantly bonds with the Hmong family next door and sets out to reform a wayward youth while taking a stand against gang violence.  B

For All Mankind chronicles Apollo 11 and the first manned flight to the moon.  This doc consists entirely of original NASA footage that made the cut from over 6,000,000 feet of film.  There is no voiceover - the only voices throughout the film, aside from a small clip of JFK's 1962 speech declaring that we'd go to the moon by the end of the decade,  are of the astronauts and mission control.  The visual element is awesome.  There's great footage of blastoff, orbit, and landing, as well as clips of the astronauts on the moon.  What struck me most was a shot of the Earth, as seen from Apollo 11, growing more distant -- I wondered at how alternately exhilirating and terrifying it must be to be a pioneer in infinite blackness.  B-

Shakes The Clown is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Long and short, it stars Bobcat Goldthwait as a clown and follows his misadventures living in Palookaville, a community of... clowns. I'd heard that it's got a huge cult following, but I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid.  The only redeeming value is a few very bawdy lines from LaWanda Page (Aunt Esther from Sanford & Son).  That still won't raise the grade from an F.

You're Gonna Miss Me is an excellent documentary that profiles Roky Erickson, the lead singer of the 13th Floor Elevators, an underrated 1960's band that was a pioneer in psychedelic rock.  Erickson hovered somewhere around the corner of Genius and Lunatic, and took the 'psychedelic' term too literally.  After battling through LSD binges, schizophrenia, shock therapy, and a stint in which he thought aliens were coming after him, he still hasn't received care enough to fully come back to Earth.  A